In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless wasteland, and darkness covered the abys, while a mighty wind swept over the waters.
Then God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw how good the light was. God the separated the light from the darkness. God called the light "day," [sic] and the darkness he called "night." [sic] Thus evening came, and morning followed -- the first day."Genesis 1:1-5f
When I was born, April 17, 1993, I entered a world of darkness. My baptism, however, banished the darkness and branded me a "Child of Christ". Unfortunately, my birth was not the only time I birthed into darkness; in the past years, I struggled with my faith and the light and darkness became grey. Even after my second cleansing, my Confirmation, my profound love of God was not enough to distinguish the light from the dark.
However, just as morning follows every evening, I eventually realized my short-comings. Willingly stepping from the darkness of night, I realized my light had been on since 1993; however, it did not shine. I have always followed the "right" path, as according to my religion, but it was not enough to make me a perfect Christian.
I needed to make several changes: my belief structure and my attitude. Starting with the foundation, I stopped calling myself a Catholic and opted for the generic term "Christian". Later, to distinguish myself from religious ambiguity, I coined, "Devout Christian". Now things were clear. Even though these words do not say much to the outside, they define my current struggle with religion: stripping away structured religion prevents my mind from conforming to the beliefs of others. Now, I am free to explore my faith and determine my real values before trying to stick the square block in the circle hole.
Jesus and I discussed this at length in my car. I did most the talking, but anyone who tries talking to me realizes I do most the talking in all my conversations. I expressed that I was not *abandoning* my faith, but actually the reverse: I was gearing up for a weekend of caffiene-sipping Bible reading to discover what God was *really* saying.
The Bible is confusing. Lineages with names like "Josephus" and "Jehoiakim" and "Machir, son of Manasseh" and places such as "Succoth" and "Pi-hahiroth, which is opposite Baalzephon" and "Iye-abarim" and "Hazar-enan" litter the pages of this literary classic. I wondered if I could just rent the movie. I lasted .17% of the time alotted. For all you non-math majors, that equates to five minutes of a weekend.
Plan B: I went to Sunday school for the basic stories and I love Jesus. Do I have to know all this senseless mumbo-jumbo to become the Christian I aimed to be?
Uh, yeah. Actually I really did. It took me awhile to figure that out, though. Generally, I began thinking about how I read all the biographies about my favorite authors and persons of history.
Except the Bible.
Good ol' Catholic Guilt from my childhood overcame me and I realized I *had* to read the Bible. Therefore, I began. However, I started with the New Testament. I have no idea why. When I reached page 79, I realized I read the Bible like the dictionary, but not in the "seeking information" sense. I read it like someone said, "Here's a dictionary. You can leave when you finish it."
I prayed for some sort of help. I don't know if I expected a JesusMeant.com or my Bible to transform into a "For Dummies" guide, but I found help in an unexpected medium: East Jackson's Student Handbook.
The section? Dual-Enrollment.
I wanted *out* of East Jackson, so I explored the option to take college classes in the morning. Long story short (as if I can be short-winded) I ended up in The Gospels and The Acts every other morning of the week at Spring Arbor University.
CHANGED my life.
My professor, Dr. Richard Cornell, is one of my personal heroes. I am *excited* to read the Bible and I pack the information into my brain like puffy sugar cubes at a marshmallow-eating contest. Why the turnaround? Because Dr. Cornell makes it *fun*. He *modernizes* Scripture into something tangible, relatable, and comprehensible. Scripture *exists* now and it lives on its own. Dr. Cornell is the reason I want to pursue some form of ministry in my adult life.
I still have not decided on a denomination. I believe God will take care of that, in time. For now, I'm just happy that I can pronounce "Josephus" now.
